You jokes
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
There was a kid sitting in a corner.
Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"
Orphan: "..."
Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
What do you call a room with no doors?
How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
I make elevating music; you make elevator music.
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
300? You are a 3.0.
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
QoS.
QoS who?
QoS there me me who me and you.
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
I'm jealous of the people who never met you.
Why did they put the Petronas towers? Eh, you do you.
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!
You know, it takes a lot of balls to successfully compete in women’s sports as a man.