You Jokes

Honda

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.

God

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Child

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Advice

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Memes

Laugh

i would try so hard not to laugh if that person was next to me

A picture of Shrek with the text "WHEN THE TEACHER IS YELLING AT SOMEONE AND YOU TRY NOT TO LAUGH".

Rapper

What do you call a group of rappers waiting in line?

A rhyme queue.

Night

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

Rose

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.

Kid

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

Sperm Bank

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

Skeleton

"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"

"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)

Rose

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

Archaeologist

How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.

Brother

Raju: How about you, Sunil?

Do you know?

Sanju: Sunil is my long distance

is a brother.

Raju: Long brother?

Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.

Clown

The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.

Direction

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!