Back

You jokes

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.

Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!

Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!

Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

  • 2

    • "Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

    "I was walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me. Why, you ask? Because the bug didn't know I was there."

    What are two things you could call a fart?

    "Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"