You jokes
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.
The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.
What do you call a lesbian alien? A "lesbeening."
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
Can you be my daddy? 🍌😘😉
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
Hello, are you there?
Yes, who are you?
My name is Watt.
What’s your name?
Watt’s my name.
Yes, what is your name?
My name is John Watt.
John What?
Yes, are you Jones?
No, I’m Knott.
Will you tell me your name?
Will Knott.
Why not?
My name is Knott.
Not what?
Not Watt, Knott!
*hangs up*
I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”