You jokes
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
If you play FNF, I play a game because he has two balls, boi.
What do you call an Asian chick with dick in her ass, pushy and mouth?
Filipino.
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
What do you call a lesbian on a bike?
A dyke...
What do you call a disabled person drowning?
A boat.
What do you call a Taliban in a bath bomb?
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.