You Jokes

What do you call a?

Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.

If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.

if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way

Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.

Bully 2: Look in a mirror.

Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

What do you call a door hinge? A door hinge!

I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

What do you say when going for a dunk in basketball?

"Kobe crash!"

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

"Ow! You hit the spot!"

The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

What do you call a fake noodle? Impasta.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"