You jokes
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What do you call Miles Morales Spider-Man from Europe?
Kilometers Morales.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."