You jokes
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?
Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
Did you know, the average gay person likes men?
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
Was your dad a pilot? Because I rate you a 9/11.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
Your hairline is so far back you look like Frankenstein.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
This stuff is messed up, you people.