You jokes

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

When someone calls you gay, say:

"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!

What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?

“Will you raise me?”

Toilet: hi You: hi what?

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.