You jokes

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?

What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.