You jokes

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheeles.

Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.

My life.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

Are you Google?

Because you got all I am searching for.

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

Me: Have you ever tried African food?

You: No.

Me: They haven't either.

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"

They jinxed it by saying "never sink."

Him: I work with animals all day.

Her: Awwww what do you do?

Him: I'm a pornstar.

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!

UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!

Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!

Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."

Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer.

The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

I told her my mum told me to go to hell.