You Jokes

Tax

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

Potato

Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.

The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."

She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"

Guy

Did you hear about the guy who made the knock-knock joke? I heard he got the Nobel Prize.

Girl

Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.

Jail

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

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  • Mother

    My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

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  • Nun

    How do you get a nun pregnant?

    Dress her up as an altar boy.

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  • Satisfaction

    Please, can someone comment on this post to explain what satisfaction you get from joking about such serious issues?

    Suicide

    Stop joking about suicide, it's not funny. You people must be so ignorant to be able to joke about such serious issues that you clearly are uneducated on.

    Nose

    What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?

    Nose-less.

    Orphan

    So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

    Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

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  • Child

    My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

    Skeleton

    Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

    A: Lazy bones.

    Blonde

    How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

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  • Egg

    What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.

    That was an egg-cellent joke!

    Knife

    So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

    Her boyfriend said "Hi."

    I said, "Knife to meet you!"

    Suicide

    A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

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