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We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.

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    • Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Esteban.

    Esteban who?

    If you do not open the door, Esteban you!

    Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”

    If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?

    (Stupid People)

    Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.

    The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.

    Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.

    After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."

    Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.

    Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"

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    • How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

    A blender.

    How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

    Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

    You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."

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    • How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?

    A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

    “Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

    “It’s because God made you special,” she said.

    “Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

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