I asked my dad , Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head? He replied, Because I thought it would look like hares
Have you eaten at the restaurant on the Moon? It's got good food, but no atmosphere.
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??
What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?
ONESY.
“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.
Did you hear the one about the hills?
It was hillarious.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"
The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
Rose are red violets are blue get in the van or I kill you
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
You know the only way to win is you have to actually planet.
We are gonna crush you in the try not to laugh.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
