What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
You Jokes
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do you call a gay French man?
A faguette!
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
