You jokes
Have you heard of the current event in Africa?
It’s known as the Hunger Games.
Did you know? The most Black Holes in the Universe are all found in Africa!
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What do you call a Mexican with an m3?
A greaser.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!