You jokes

You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.

What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Roses are red, Violets are ugly.

Violet thought she was ugly until she saw you!

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.

What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?

A byebyesexual.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?

Alabama wind chimes.

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.