Yeah

Yeah Jokes

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

My crush: OMG my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

Me: Oh my goodness I am so sorry I am here for you!

My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄

Me: Yeah well I have a dog

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

--> I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

--> I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

--> and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

-->and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful

Me and my friend are walking we see a kid my friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents he said yeah I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Bro the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died and do you know the meme "No Bi***es?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

A man walks into a bar and there is a line of people waiting to punch him. Yeah that was the punch line.

fence 1 - was thinking and fence 2 - said are you still on the fence about runing away. Fence 1- said yeah i was thinking of running one the RAILROAD

Little Johnny walked into his parents room to see them going at it.He asked his mom what they were doing and she said uh were play fighting and he's like with no clothes on and she said yeah and so he said let me join you then...

*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp* Teacher: “can I have ur parents signature? It isn’t filled out.” Orphan: “um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....” Teacher: “why?” Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

Me: Hey thats a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there? The Quiet Kid: Yeah, Magazines.....

My son said that bully needs a pounding then i say Yeah right that is what i said and did to your mother.My son opens his mouth and freezes i guess he knew what i was talking about.

Person: So you know that persons name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dea Friend: Yeah John Wilkes Booth Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln. Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot