Agreed Jokes

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"

3 blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke , each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer. So the angel begins telling them the joke, one of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laugjhs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said ''this is the last step if you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass. The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, ''What do you ca..'' out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. ''Why are you laughing I haven't even finished the joke yet''? The blonde replies '' I just got the first joke''.

3 rednecks Billy,Joe and John talk about they hobbies, they agree shooting. John says i like shooting animals. Joe says I like shooting birds. Billy says I like shooting cans. Joe and John ask "what kind of can like bear cans, pepsi cans or cola cans". Billy respond Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans and Asian Americans.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says: If i can suprise you, i get a free drink. The bartender was unsure but agreed. The guy pulled up a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket and he starts to play The bartender was suprised and gave the guy a free drink The guy then sais: You see, i have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes, can i get another free drink if you get a free wish? The bartender agrees without hesitation The bartender wishes for a 1000 bucks, but he gets a 1000 ducks WTF! the man shouts. The guy answered: Did you think i wanted a 30cm long pianist

rape isn't a joke. it's a type of way of making friends, and to mate with other women. it's a way of art, and works on anybody! like this if you agree.

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?