Boy 1: Sonic is a fictional character. Boy 2: Yeah, just like your dad.
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
"yeah you?
American student: hahaha. no, not my first time
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Teacher: this assignment is big. Student(male): I have something that’s big. Teacher: yeah your forehead
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
Someone: PLEASE EAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE *Me tryna remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because ive already googled it and given up because it takes too long* Me: Na yeah I still have 19 days left
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? "im still standing, yeah yeah yeah" (from elton john)
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me: ...
Me: Bitch please.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on, I said : Are you an orphan?. He said : Yeah what gave me away? I said : Your parents buddy
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.
Yeah, im made out of DNA ✨ Depression N anxiety ✨
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
“hey what’s the russian president’s name?” “putin?” “yeah, putin deez nuts in yo mouth”
(one of my friends gave me this) Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk and he was in baggy clothes and I said are you a orphan he said yeah and the orphan said what gave me away I said ur parents
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? yeah, he was tired.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
why is the orphans keep going back to the orphan home, because they got no home to go to yeah pls like this and laugh because i got no one to read this
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.
