I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
What do you call a creepy flower? A Pedel-File!
What skeleton does Crap-ton of?
A "bone".
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
Q: What's a German's favorite Undertale character?
A: Gaster.
I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.
What do you call a cutta with ginger hair?
Flinn Taylor.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue? You can tuna piano but you can piano a tuna. What happened to the glue? I knew you would get stuck on that
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
