Wordplay jokes
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
Orange: Hey.
Pear: Hey.
Orange: No hay!
Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce in.
Lettuce in who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!