Women jokes

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”

Then she said that's true.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

97 percent of women...

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

What is a woman's name with one leg?

Eileen.

What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?

Turkish.

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

You know, it takes a lot of balls to successfully compete in women’s sports as a man.

Hippity hoppity, women are property.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

What wastes your money as you earn it?

Women.