Woman jokes

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

When you see a woman with a leg chain, what usually comes to your mind?

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

A strong woman.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Big tits.

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

"Yeetus to the fetus."

During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.