My hopes and dreams.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
An emo kid sees his clothes hanging to dry, and he says to his clothes, "I wish I were you!"
Why do orphans like families? Because they wish they had one.
I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
An emo kid and a silent kid would be a good acquaintance because the emo would wish to die, and the silent kid would be the nice guy and grant that wish.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I don't want to die.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."
"What is it?" she asked.
"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.
"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.
"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.
"And your final wish?" the genie asked.
"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Hi, please like for good luck!
I wish I was dead like my jokes.
I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop.
