Wish jokes
Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
Q: I wish my grass was emo.
A: Then it would cut itself.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Why does an emo wish they were a fish?
Because they're underwater.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
Good Morning Everyone! Have a good day!