Winter jokes
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
Telling jokes is snow problem.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?
Snowballs.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow.
Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.