Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What’s the difference between a snowMAN and a snowWOMAN?
THE SNOWBALLS!
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.
I wish 9/11 was in December because the poor farm fields.
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
What do snowmen call snowballs?
Children!
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
Snowmen and snowwomen take a stomach piece, making snowballs.
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
