Win

Win jokes

Woman

    • Q: What are women better than men at doing?

    A: Winning arguments.

    Q: What are men better than women at doing?

    A: Winning swimming titles.

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    • Lightbulb

    • How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.

    Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!

    Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.

    (mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)

    Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?

    All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”

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    • Super Bowl

    • A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

    However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

    So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

    He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

    The man replies, “No.”

    The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

    The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

    “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

    “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

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    • Win memes

    Fan

    • GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."

    Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"

    Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

    Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!

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    • Nail

    • *Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

    *Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

    *Me sits down in the chair*

    *Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

    *gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

    *walks out without paying*

    *Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

    *customer:* I told u she would.

  • 4

    • Lottery

    • Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."

    Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."

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    • Kid

    • Adopted kid:

    Hey, Alex, what are you doing?

    Alex:

    Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."

    Adopted kid:

    OK, dad Alex.

    Alex:

    Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!

    Adopted kid:

    I’m so glad I have a mom.

    Teacher

    • In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

    Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

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