Will jokes
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
"Can we do 69?"
"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
What does Joyce do on a Saturday night?
Netflix and Will? Will? WILL!? WIIIILLLL?
If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
A) Why don't orphans play Minecraft Online?
Q) Because Technoblade will get their I.P. address and cum to their houses!
Why do people want their grass to be emo?
So the grass will cut itself.
What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?
"Full House".
By the way, infertility is hereditary:
If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.
One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.