Will

Will jokes

Pilot

    • pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

    passengers: *start freaking out*

    pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

    passengers: *sigh with relief*

    pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

  • 4

    • Orphan

    • This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

    So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

    Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

    Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

  • 1

    • Spanish

    • Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

    Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

    Michael Jackson

    • Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.

  • 1

    • Nun

    • Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

    Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

  • 1

    • Wheelchair

    • I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

  • 1

    • Emo

    • What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?

    An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.

    Brick

    • What's blue and bad for your teeth?

    A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).

    Account

    • If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

  • 3

    • Race

    • Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

    Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

    God says, "You are what you are."

    Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

  • 4