Will

Will jokes

Stairs

    • Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

    Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

    Blonde

    • A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

    "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

    The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

    The End

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    • Phone Call

    • Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

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    • Man

    • Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”

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    • Dog

    • Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

    First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

    She replies, "Really original."

    Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

    She replies, "Ew, gross."

    Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

    Winner dog 3.

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    • Gun

    • Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

    The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

    The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

    The guys die because the guards used real guns.

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    • Life

    • Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

    I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

    Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

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    • Penis

    • Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

    Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

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    • Pimp

    • What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?

    They both worry about how she will turn out!

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    • Albert Einstein

    • When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

    “I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

    When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

    Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

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