Wildlife jokes
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?
Still no fucking idea.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
7000+ bats.
When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?
Just barely hugging you! Lol.
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
I smell like skunk.
America... Amefrica... Amfrica... Africa...
What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?
"I'm a Cheetah!"
Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!
I like zebras.
What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A bullfrog!