Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest? Panda-monium!
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
I was in the car and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy an a,m like what the
2 hunter are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and and hunter #1 dials 911. Operator: "911 what's your emergency?" Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods fell asleep." Operator: "Check if he's / she's (not assuming genders) dead." *Operator hears a distant gunshot* Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?-They’re a bunch of cheetahs
why do cheetahs have spots? Chickenpox!
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gague shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun, he said "your crazy!", I responded "quackers"
What did the panther say at the poker party? I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
A puma was making another puma laugh that puma that was laughing said “Stop making me laugh I’m gonna puma pants”
Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!". Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
A bear walks into bar and ask the barkeep "Can i have a grilled...............cheese" and the barkeep asks the bear "Whats with the big pause" the bears says "Well I'm a bear"
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
