Why do mountains get so big?
They have no natural predators.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why would hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea?
Because it's ill-eagle.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
