Wife Jokes

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in, and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said,"Drama queen!"

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"

My dad smashed my PS5. So I smashed his wife.

The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer

A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'

Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

Here are a few:

While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said "Sorry! It's been awhile since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!

Son: Dad why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

A man comes home and the wife says 'My ex just died by getting hit by a bus' and the husband said 'I lost my job as a bus driver'

My wife says s*x is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess so i got drunk and drove through the tunnel

My wife told me I could never ever build a car out of spaghetti , you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

A: Why are you so sad? B: I was watching porn and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movi

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "did you see that?" She says "yes", so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks "did you see that?" "No but my wife did!" The husband said.