Why jokes
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
Memes
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."