Why jokes
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person: Why?
Me: Because he wanted to.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Why did the woman feel ugly?
A. Nobody would even rape her.
Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the fool's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.