A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Why did the liberal cross the road?
(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
