Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Whos Jokes
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.
Why'd the girl fall off the swing?
'Cause she had no arms.
Knock, knock!! Who's there?
Not the girl.
Who hates going to a pizza party?
A weirdough.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
He won the no-Bell prize.
