Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: I don't know anymore.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.
"Knock knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Who is the king of Reddit?
Sam Ryan.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
