Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
i feel bad for the people who died in 2001 those poor terrosists died doing their job.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says who the fucks be fucking my wife the room goes silent, the guy in the back finishes his beer and says you ain't got enough bullets.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
Knock knock
Who's there
Insomnia
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artifical Intelligence
Did you hear about the guys who’s whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he’s all right now.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate? A liar.
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
If you watch " jaws" backward it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who giving arms and legs to disable people
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What's got you down" The man says "I just found out my Niece is gay." The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks "What's got you down now?" The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says "My wife does."
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
