Whos Jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.

Student: OOFT.

Teacher: Who are we missing?

Student: Your parents.

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.

If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"

The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."

The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”