Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK he didn't either!
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock (Who's there) Not Sally
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
Knock knock. Who’s there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can’t reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account prime mates
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again aren’t you?
roses are red, unlike the rest, i'm the one who has your IP address.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!” Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?” Source: http://jokesfan.com/little-johnny-jokes.html
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"
There are people who are beautifull and then there are people whom I won't rape
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
