Whos jokes

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?

Alexander the Grape.

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?

Spit out the feathers.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay man's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?

Wrong.

Knock knock?

Who's there?

Willis.

Willis who?

Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.