My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
Where does Stephen Hawking get his computer fixed?
At PC World.
Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
