When jokes

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

Yo momma so slutty, when she got a throat swab, the lab found eight different types of semen on her tonsils.

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:

Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.

Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?

Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.

Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?

2) Where did all the orphans go?

PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!

What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣

What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?

A s'more.

I'm 14. I have had sex before. I have 206 bones in my body, but when I'm with my gf, I have 207.

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.

My friend was like, "That’s a huge sack of balls."

He didn’t realize what was about to happen.

Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?

Because they were using the computer and thought about it.

What did Robin say to Batman when they were getting chicken?

Hahaha, I don't know.

So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?

When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.

Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.

Down will come dummy, cradle and all.