When jokes
Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it says "to be continued."
What do you get when you add 5 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 200 + 10?
Completely confuse you!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
What do you call when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
What do you get when you cross between Tailga and emo?
Tailighmo.
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?
Donald Grump.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
What happened when 800 hares got loose in the center of town?
The cops had to comb through the area.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
Yo momma so slutty, when she got a throat swab, the lab found eight different types of semen on her tonsils.
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.