When jokes
What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?
Donald Grump.
What do you get when you add 5 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 200 + 10?
Completely confuse you!
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.
What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.
Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.
Your not actually cute so shhhhh
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!
What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?
"Polly want a quacker!"
Worst joke ever.
What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.
Y'know what's really sad?
Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
When you are losing at Tetris, I guess the odds are STACKED against you.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.
I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”
Did you laugh?