When jokes
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?
Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...
Shorse
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.
Hi, I did not get it when I went home to walk home from home and walk, walk, walk.
When your sister asks you to entertain her, you don't!
Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*
Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*
A question: When is (my name) happy?
Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*
Answer: Never, only a portion.
Friend: Do you need help?
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
What did the knight say when he went to bed?
"Good Knight!" lul
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.