When jokes
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
Yo mama is so fat.
When the 🌞 retired, she was eligible to take its place.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.
"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.