When jokes
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
Memes
me when rapboat
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?
A sniff beat.
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
What can orphans not get when playing a sport?
A home run!