When jokes

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

I hate it when disabled people get bullied...

... because they can't stand up for themselves.

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

What do you call it when Panera Bread shuts down?

Panera is dead.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?

A shitty plant-based patty.

What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?

"9 Juan Juan, who this?"

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

What is it called when an orphan is having a family reunion?

Me time.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.