When jokes

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.

Yo mama so fat, when she touched the stairs, it said, "To be continued!"

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

What did President Ford say when he met Betty?

"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

When we take a family photo, you are the background.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.