When jokes

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

You ever get the feeling when your parents are cheating on you? I do.

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃

When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟

What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"

Fork off!

What do you call Shroud when he is hurt?

ShrOWd.

Guess what, Shroud is back on wje, I don't know why, but he is...

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

Yesterday I had a party.

I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.

I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!

When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"

What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!

What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?

"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?