When jokes
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house? A spicket fence!
You're so trash that when I dropped you off, I got a ticket for littering.
What happened when you put your penis in? You start cumming!
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
VOTING SEMIFINAL 1
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.
Vote for the better joke.
When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”