When jokes
Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?
Because they fear him.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
Yo mama so fat that when she was in Uranus, she picked her butthole.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
When you're angry, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
When you split Uranus in half, it is "ur-anus." That's why it has a butts joke. Weird.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.
Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.
Clarie: It was painful!
Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.
Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!
Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?
Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!
Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."
Students: "oof"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Yeah, your parents."
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.