When jokes
When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
I got jealous when my phone died.
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
What is it called when orphans take a selfie?
A family photo.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:
Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
What do you call Joyce when she's running from the Russians?
Winona Hider.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.