When jokes
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
Memes
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
Ready when you are, KK.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
What do Karens do when they have free time?
They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.