When jokes
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
Memes
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."