When jokes
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk home from school today?
Yo mama so fat that when she attempted suicide, she bounced to Area 51.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?
He-he-eat!
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...