When jokes
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?
They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
):
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator won’t fart when you pull the meat out.
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.