When jokes
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
Memes
Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?
Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
What time is it when you walk home from school? Time to rest.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
What time is it when you say "what?"
Time to start over!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"